Where do I Begin? OLD
by skitzo krebstar
Summary: X-FilesStar Trek : VoyagerSouth Park crossover. Utterly pointles. Seven, Pip, and Mulder explain their adventure. Possibly a sequel in the works.... I don't know why...


Title: Where do I begin?  
Author: sKiTzO sHy VioLeT  
Disclaimer: Not mine not mine. Mulder and Scully belong to Chris Carter and 1013, Seven belongs to Paramount. And Pip, Cartman, Stan, and the Visitors belong to Matt Parker and Trey Stone.  
Note: Just a nonsense thing. Inspired by Tony and what he said on his website about me next to my link!  
  


~*~  
  


Regular font = Mulder  
**Bold Font = Pip  
**Underlined font = Seven  
  


~*~  
  


Hmm... Well.. Where do I begin? So many things happened in so little time. I mean, my head is still spinning.   
  
**Maybe I should begin then?  
  
**No, maybe you shouldn't.  
  
**Very well.   
  
**Then perhaps I should?  
  
No, Seven, That's okay. I'll start.   
Well, see I was late for work that day, which really REALLY pissed Scully off. She got stuck in another meeting all by herself.  
Which basically takes her out of the rest of this story all together.   
So anyway, it was lunch time and I was tired of paperwork and waiting to be called into the meeting, so I decided to go for a walk. So I walked and I walked and wound up at the local bar.   
  
**Oh Lord.  
  
**Shut up Frenchie!  
  
**I am not French! I hate french people!  
  
**What effect does one's cultural background have on a their individuality?  
  
Uh... Nothing... Listen, Seven. Just sit back, relax, and look pretty..  
  
**Yeah!  
  
**I didn't ask for your help, Pip!  
  
**Right, sorry.  
  
**So anyway, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted...  
I guess I had a little too many drinks. Why I drank so much I don't know, maybe I never will, but I wound up in the back alley peeing on an Independence Day poster.... Again.  
  
**What do you have against that movie?!  
  
**Nothing! Now shut up and stop interrupting!  
Anyway, the last thing I saw before my eyes closed was a couple of black and white sneakers, with about... Oh eight other shoes.   
  
They harmed you?  
  
Well...... So anyway... I open my eyes and there's this chick standing over me.   
  
Perhaps we should tell the story from other points of view before continuing?  
  
Okay.   
  
**Ooohh! I want to!   
  
**No Pip!  
  
I will tell my story.   
  
**Very well.....**  
  
I had just finished my re..... nap... When Neelix came up to me with questions about bor- German culture. I told him that culture was irrelevant and that we didn't have one.  
  
Oh come on, Seven. Isn't that a little harsh? I mean, we may find our way of life normal, but that doesn't mean the United States doesn't have a culture.   
  
The United States' culture is made up of many different cultures. It has no culture.  
  
****That's not true! Everything comes together for a unique blend!  
  
SHUT UP PIP!  
  
**Oh dear.   
  
**As I was saying.....  
Once I made my way to the Doctor's I learned I was needed on an Away Mission.  
  
A what?  
  
Nothing. It is irrelevant.   
Apparently the bor-.... *Germans* were going to attack Voy-... The United States. Capt-... The President believed that since I was once a "German" I might be able to help the "United States".  
  
I really don't like the way you're telling this....  
  
In the attempt to save the "United States" I failed and wound up here in Washington DC, United States of America, Earth, the year 2000.   
  
Hey... Uhh... What significance does the planet and date have?  
  
Nothing. It is irrelevant.  
  
Oh... Well, then how did you try and save the US?  
  
That is irrelevant.  
  
And that is your favorite word.  
  
I used my tri-... intuition to find who had enough knowledge to help me get home. I saw an individual get robbed in an alleyway and my "intuition" told me he could help me.   
  
Riiight.....  
  
I attempted to take him back to "The United States"-  
  
We *are* in the United States.  
  
But he passed out. Perhaps from stress or injury.  
  
****Or alcohol.  
  
Shut the hell up Frenchie!   
  
When "The United States" came for me-  
  
What?!  
  
I once again failed.   
  
****Ooh! Is it my turn yet?!  
  
Yes, Pip!  
  
**Oh goodie. I shall start from the beginning...  
  
**And don't begin the Dickens crap either!  
  
**Oh... oh my....  
Well, it was a lovely sunny day with no clouds and the birds were singing their spring songs-  
  
**PIP!  
  
**Oh my!   
Iwaswalkingalongwhensuddenlythisdoortypethingopened-  
  
**The "Germans".  
  
You understood that?  
  
**AndIwassuckedinandIsawMulderlyingthere-  
  
**SLOW DOWN!  
  
**And then this woman came up to him. He opened his eyes, muttered something obscene about her chest, and then closed his eyes once more. I was appalled! Seven, the woman, began to scan him with something and then picked him up. AS IF HE WERE NOTHING!  
  
**Enhanced "German" strength.  
  
****So I followed them and she tried to take him aboard some ship! Well, I knew then that the Visitors were back and I would have nothing of it! I threw my arrow head at the ship, which seemed to open another door and we were sucked in.   
But I'm home and I have friends now! Seven and Mulder live with me and I take them to Show and Tell and fascinate Eric and Stan and the other guys with Mulder's badge and Seven's... Well... I don't believe in saying words like that aloud.   
  
Lord have mercy on our souls!  



End file.
